What’s the difference between a musician and a savings bond?
One of them eventually matures and earns money.
How many punk-rock musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to screw in the bulb and the other to smash the old one on his forehead.
What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit?
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.
What’s the difference between an oboe and a bassoon?
You can hit a baseball further with a bassoon.
Tuba Player: “Did you hear my last recital?”
Friend: “I hope so.”
What do you do if you see a bleeding drummer running around in your back yard?
Stop laughing and shoot again.
What do call a musician without a girlfriend?
What do you throw a drowning bass player?
What’s the difference between a bull and a band?
The bull has the horns in the front and the asshole in the back.
How can you tell if the stage is level?
The drool comes out of both sides of the drummer’s mouth.
How do you get a trombonist off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
I found a Justin Bieber concert ticket nailed to a tree, so I took it!
You never know when you might need a nail.
How does one trumpet player greet another?
Hi. I’m better than you.
What is Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
What’s the difference between a musician and a large pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four.
What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you throw a banjo in the bin and it lands on an accordion.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.
How do you reduce wind-drag on a trombonist’s car?
Take the Domino’s Pizza sign off the roof.